In His Arms

Do you ever have those times where you’re just so in love with God and so close to Him that you almost fear losing the moment?

 

All week I have been feeling a stirring inside of me, the kind of stirring where you know God’s at work in your life.  You know He’s doing something great and your every moment throughout the day just feels alive, like He’s physically there by your side.  You’re filled with this passion for Christ and for what’s about to come. 

 

I had the same feeling right before I began working for LifeChurch.tv.  I would literally sit in my old office and ache with passion to be a part of His ministry.  And being the huge feeler I am, I would cry at the sound of LifeChurch.tv or any time someone asked me to detail their mission and vision. 

 

So where is God taking me now?  What is this burning inside of me?

 

For those of you who don’t know, I recently bought a house.  Man, let me just tell you that making that big of a financial decision was a little stressful.  The weird thing is that I haven’t been overwhelmed by the situation at all.  I’ve been rather comforted and honestly consumed by this new passion.  It feels as though I am bound to the very presence of God.  As though there’s a pathway that bypasses every distraction and forms this natural connection between me and Him.  And with that there’s a peace that covers every thought and consumes any heartache.  I’ve woken up every morning loving God.  I still feel the worry somewhere down in my soul, but it’s been overtaken by God’s love, promise and joy. 

 

It’s such a rare closeness that my every thought, every joy, every desire/heartache/love…my every moment has been spent in His arms.  Life has been so great that part of me starts to fear losing this closeness.  As I feel all of this passion and love, I can also feel Satan attacking the moment and creating doubt or causing distrust in the burning fire that God just gave me. 

 

So, here’s my question.  As I’ve so easily loved the Holy Spirit touching my soul, how is it that I can so easily question it?  How do we overcome our human frailty and sing God’s praises knowing that what fills our heart is truth?  When will I fully trust that when he wraps His arms around me, I can forever rest in that, His unconditional love?

Faith that Guarantees

A good friend told me the other night, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.”  I can’t seem to get this quote out of my head.  As I look back on the last year, it’s rather ironic to see the things I begged God for, as I sit here, a year later, quite frankly a little relieved He didn’t give them to me. 

 

Have you ever had that realization? 

 

It’s a very enlightening moment full of complete trust and faith in Him.  Faith that guarantees His perspective is all encompassing and His hopes for your life are so much more fulfilling than your own.  Rather soothing isn’t it?

Our One Constant

My days have been crazy the past few weeks, as I’m sure most of yours have as well.  It seems that in the midst of the chaos God is right there with this underlying peace.  His peace came in such amazing form during this time and I wanted to share my story with you all!

I went to see my great-grandmother the other day at the nursing home.  She’s 99 and it’s a rare day that she remembers any of our names.  But, this day was a good day!  Not good because she knew who I was, but good because of the moment.  I showed up briefly to say hi and to be on my way.  My dad was there and as always, asked me to play the piano.  I didn’t have any of my music with me and was very hesitant, but I knew how much it meant to him.  He found a hymnal for me and in my head I was thinking, “Yeah!  Not only do I get to sight read songs I’ve never played, but it’s a hymnal!” ha ha.  I played a few songs and the last song I played was “The Old Rugged Cross”.  As I started, I began to sing the words.  My allergies were acting up and my voice was hoarse, but shortly after I began I heard my great-grandmother start singing.  She sang every word of the song from memory, as I played it through 3 times.  When I finished, she said, “Now that was fun.”  My eyes started to water, because at the end of the day, even though she probably didn’t recognize me, she knew the words to this amazing song about Christ.  Even though her mind confuses her, her one constant was and is still God. 

 

After a moment, she looked at me and said, “I have been blessed with great children and I hope the good Lord lets me stay around longer, so that I can just be with them.” 

 

Isn’t it amazing the things the mind thinks of or remembers?  To be in that moment and to see the thoughts of a mind that constantly searches, yet seems to be so founded in that one thing.  Christ says he is not a God of confusion, but instead, gives our minds peace.  I was left in this moment, in awe, completely able to see Christ’s beauty, wonder and power.   It let me see a glimpse of everyone’s purpose in this world.  I think at times we have a tendency to discount people because of their old age or health issues, but God never does.  Every living person has a specific purpose in Christ.  My great-grandmother, even in the midst of her fragile state, only claimed God.  It was so inspiring for me.

 

I hope you all have an amazing week full of purpose!

Experiencing Grace

My posts have been rather nonexistent lately and I apologize to those of you who eagerly await that email offering another way to waste a couple of minutes during the work day.  J  As I promise to hop back to the life of writing shortly, I wanted to post a quick quote that I read last night in The Ragamuffin Gospel.  I fell in love with this quote mostly because people can relate to the idea of being accepted and tend to spend most of their lives seeking it.  But, to be able to fully grasp the idea of an eternal acceptance and to experience grace at all cost, I figured it was definitely something worth mentioning! 

  

“Grace strikes us when we are in great pain and restlessness.  It strikes us when we walk through the dark valley of a meaningless and empty life…It strikes us when, year after year, the longed-for perfection does not appear, when the old compulsions reign within us as they have for decades, when despair destroys all joy and courage.  Sometimes at that moment a wave of light breaks into our darkness, and it is as though a voice were saying:  

‘You are accepted.  You are accepted, accepted by that which is greater than you, and the name of which you do not know.  Do not ask for the name now; perhaps you will find it later.  Do not try to do anything now; perhaps later you will do much.  Do not seek for anything, do not perform anything, do not intend anything.  Simply accept the fact that you are accepted.’   

If that happens to us, we experience grace.”

-Paul Tillich

Vulnerable in the Love

Christ says to love, to even love your enemies, despite the situation.  But here’s my question… How do you stop being vulnerable in the love?  As you face the relationships of life, how do you protect your heart from the hurt?  How do you love without letting yourself get lost or ruined in the pain?   

I think you experience disappointment in all areas of life, but different situations force different reactions.  Being vulnerable to family, friends or accountability partners and pouring out love, to only in turn watch them walk away, tends to spark a different aspect of pain than the typical boy/girl relationship.  It is this pain that prompts this question.  As you love, in the Godliest form, how do you avoid heartache?   

But, in that, does avoiding the pain prevent you from growing in Christ? 

Is there a chance that trusting is ultimately what we’re called to do, despite our fears?  That loving God and being vulnerable to a situation is what He really asks of us?   

God’s timing is ever so perfect, so as I question, I suppose I have to remind myself that God knows exactly what we need at exactly the moment we need it.  I suppose that in the end…with or without our closest “loves” by our side…it’ll be a great story!

Sometimes you just have to Laugh

I’ve been doing a lot of babysitting lately, which I love.  It tends to give me an escape from the chaos of life.  On Tuesday night, I actually babysat my sweet, little Bella overnight (who happens to be the joy of my life).  Everyone says that you go through spurts of “baby fever”, but I don’t think I’ve ever escaped that phase.  I’ve always loved kids and have always wanted enough to have a big family to love on (I just need to work on that Husband part…ha ha). 

Well, in the past, I always laughed when mom’s took advantage of their “puppet mom” power and dressed their kids alike, or made them take those silly pictures.  It makes me think of that scrubs episode where Jordan makes Dr. Cox dress just like his son in the most ridiculous, “un-cox-like” outfit. 

So, there I was…Wednesday morning…finding an outift for Bella.  As I was looking through her closet, I thought to myself, ”hmm…I wonder what I could dress her in so that we have matching outfits?”  If I hadn’t been running so late, from under estimating the time it takes to get us both ready and out the door…I probably would’ve dug through everything there until I found the perfect match.  Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself…

Just in time for Christmas

Being it’s the Christmas season, I wanted to send some love to everyone and bless you with this video of Dave Barnes.  My friend Jayma tends to think he’s hilarious (rightfully so) and I wanted to share some of his Christmas carols with you!  You’re going to love it! 

 Merry Christmas!

Just Loving

I sat in church today listening to Scott Rodgers speak about our everlasting Father…prompting us to view Him through eyes of Scripture and not the eyes that remember the frailty of humans.  As I sat there, God spoke to me; preparing me for something that I would face later in the day.   God’s words were so perfect and pure that I wanted to share them with you.  This is what He said:

Never go through life letting someone you love not know you love them and how much you appreciate them, all for the sake of not being able to articulate it in the moment or for the fear of being vulnerable.  Love for the sake of loving…so that you never have regrets and they never doubt their worth.

 So…here I am…Loving

Love Me Not

Love, linger not to whisper your temptation;
Seek not to bind me with your heavy chain;
I would be free to seek the world’s salvation;
I would be free to rescue men from pain. 

High is the wall that guards my heart from
            Coldness;
Big is the barrier to shut me out from sin;
O Human Love, aflame with passion’s boldness,
Storm not this citadel to enter in. 

Fervent the vow I swore to fight, nor falter;
Fight with faith not flickering, nor dim;
God is my Father; in my heart an alter
Glows with the sacrifice I offer Him.

             Leave me alone, Love
             Leave my heart alone!

                                     -Toyohiko Kagawa

 

More than the Bare Essentials

So a crazy ice storm recently hit us here in Oklahoma.  What seemed like a terrible disaster and inconvenience for me, ended up being a complete blessing!  I left Moore Monday afternoon, escaping the powerless suburb that reeked with havoc.  I drove up North to the Blankenburg’s and let me just say they are amazing!  We spent the day cuddled up on the couch, drinking hot chocolate and watching movies.  Did I mention we ate a lot too?  I’m pretty sure I gained 10 lbs that day.   

As we were enjoying the peacefulness of escaping the day-to-day rituals, we got a call from a friend about a little 5-month old boy who stopped breathing.  We immediately stopped the movie, gathered hands and prayed to our God for comfort, support and most of all miraculous healing.  Oh man, it was amazing to be in such an atmosphere of prayer warriors.  I am so blessed to have so many people around me that value the power of prayer, actively use it and come together in love and support. 

As I sat there, I fell in love with the moment!  Despite the tragedy, I fell in love with Christ and the way He made me feel as I held their hands in prayer.  When we finished praying, I sat there (yes, my own sitcom playing in my head) and I couldn’t help but think I am selfish in my prayers.  It’s not that I only come to God in tragedies, but I am continuously reminding myself that God has a plan and to trust that.  I do trust that, with everything I am.  But, as I begged for the healing of this little boy, I hesitated because I wondered if that was a selfish request.  I wondered if begging for a miracle meant that I was requesting my will and not trusting God’s.  

As I was feeling this confusion, Kevin (Mr. Blankenburg himself) quickly reminded me that God asks us to do this.  He asks us to present our requests to Him.  I continued to think and began to understand that there’s a difference between begging, yet trusting, and demanding, then walking away.  As God revealed to me the difference, Valerie (Mrs. Blankenburg, who could probably do well as Mrs. Claus) told me a story of a miracle they witnessed earlier in the year.  A friend of theirs had tried to commit suicide.  As he was rushed to the hospital, his organs began to shut down.  He wasn’t expected to live through the night.  Of course, this was an absolute tragedy.  As they prayed for this man, Valerie told me that she didn’t stop at praying for healing.  She prayed for life,  deliverance from his medication and release from his ailments, this depression he had been consumed by for so long.  Man, that’s a big request huh?  In my mind I was just hoping for life.  But, let me tell you, God healed him, every part of him…body, mind, soul.  When he woke, he was the man his family always missed and wanted him to be.  He had somewhat become a recluse and when God healed him, he sold his house, took a trip and is now completely involved in his family.  Can you imagine such an extreme healing? 

I found this moment very enlightening.  I always knew God could do anything, I guess I just didn’t realize that I didn’t always give him that opportunity, or didn’t always trust enough to request it in my life. 

So, this is my thought.  Why don’t we boldly make our requests to God, as if there are no limits?  If we request our desires, and all the while trusting him with or without our defined request, we actually open our eyes and heart to let him move mountains…to give us strength to chase lions.  So, why do we place limits in our prayers, or not even limits, why do we only request the bare essentials?  Our God is a mighty and powerful God; if we open ourselves up to a limitless idea of prayer…we just may be that tool that He uses to change the world.